Ruined forever
by ThisLadyWrites
Summary: IT had ruined it. And IT will ruin every other relationship she will have. IT was just far too strong to be ignored. HUDDY ONE SHOT


**Hello my dear friends! **

**I know that I actually should be writing my other fanfics but somehow I just had to write this one shot first.**

**Sending tons of hugs to Jane for beta reading :-)**

**This fanfic is set a few moths after 7x15 BUT House NEVER did something that crazy like marrying Dominika or crashing his car into Cuddy's house.**

**ENJOY READING! :)**

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><p><strong>Ruined forever<strong>

„It has been a wonderful evening." Rob said and sweetly smiled at her.

„Yeah. It really has." She agreed. "I especially enjoyed the ride in that vintage car of yours."

Rob and her were standing in front of the restaurant they had just eaten a delicious meal in. They had both come here in their own cars and since no one needs to drop off the other one at their house it was time to say good night now. At least that was what she believed…

"I thought that you would." His hand went to her cheek and caressed it tenderly. "Would it be okay to ask you if you'd like to come home with me?"

As soon as Cuddy realized what he had just asked, a weird, unpleasant feeling started making it's way through her body.

It wasn't too early for him to ask that. Not really. It was already their fourth date and he was a lovely, generous guy who treats her with respect and who even has no problem with the fact that she has a daughter.

All these things weren't the reason for that bad feeling she currently had.

Maybe it was because Rachel didn't like Rob. (At least that was the message she got when her daughter started throwing crayons at him and telling him that he was an idiot.) Or maybe it was because of the fact that she was just afraid of a new commitment? She didn't know what it was, she just knew for sure that she didn't want to go home with him.

"… I… I told the nanny I'd be home before midnight", Cuddy lied.

"How about we call her and offer her a few extra bucks for staying over night?"

Cuddy sighed. "I'm sorry, Rob…. But I can't." She took hold of his hand and removed it from her cheek. "You are a really great guy… and that's why it wouldn't be fair if I started a relationship with you when my heart is telling me not to."

Rob really was surprised about Cuddy's words. He knew that she would be hesitant but he didn't reckon on that. He didn't reckon on a rebuff. "I thought that you liked me."

"I do. I really do." Cuddy affirmed. "I even thought that I could start a relationship with you but… I just can't…" Her hand let go off his. "It has nothing to do with you, Rob. I'm just not ready for a new relationship."

"We can wait… Let's slow this down a bit. I never wanted to push you into something."

"It's not that. You never pushed me. Not at all. You are a very respectful and patient man…" Cuddy swallowed when she noticed that a knot was forming in her throat. She gave Rob an apologetic squeeze on his upper arm. "I just can't do that. It wouldn't be fair to either of us… I'm sorry."

Without waiting for him to say anything else Cuddy let go of his arm, turned around and walked away.

Rob watched her leaving… He watched her going away for good. He watched the woman he had strong feelings for walking away from him.

It hurt but he wasn't mad at her. Not really. No one can be blamed for the way they feel. You can't tell them whom to love and with whom they should be with even though you'd like to sometimes.

He had the urge to run after her but he knew that it wouldn't change anything. He had lost her before she even was his.

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><p>As soon as Cuddy reached her car she let the tears fall.<p>

She opened up the door and hopped into her car before she started crying even harder.

She screwed up once again. She had ruined once again a potential relationship. IT had ruined it. And IT will ruin every other relationship she will have. IT was just far too strong to be ignored. And she hated that. She hated IT. She hated the feelings she still had for him.

It would be much easier if she could just switch them off , if she could get rid of them but she could try as much as she wanted: Her love for him won't go away. It was like a curse. And the worst thing about it was that Rachel was as much a victim of this curse as she was. The little girl loved him with all of her heart and was missing her bloody scallywag as terribly as she missed him herself.

Cuddy sighed loudly, wiped the tears from her face, turned the ignition key and drove off into a direction that won't lead her to the street she lives in.

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><p>He took the bottle of Bourbon from the coffee table and observed it. How much did he have to drink in order not to wake up again? In order not to feel the pain anymore? In order not to think about her anymore? In order to leave everything behind?<p>

The moment he opened up the bottle, the sound of the bell threw a monkey wrench into his plans.

He had actually wanted to ignore it but after a few more moments he got annoyed of the sharp ringing and decided to open up the door in order to kick the ass of whomever (most probably Wilson) was auditorily raping him by pressing the bell button non-stop.

House got up from the couch and angrily made his way to the front door. When he opened it up and caught sight of HER standing in front of it he stopped dead in tracks.

What the hell was she doing here? How should he ever be able to get her out of his mind when she was around all the time?

He let out an annoyed sigh and asked in a harsh voice: "What do you want?"

"I want to talk", she said and looked directly into his wonderful sea-blue eyes. That was when he noticed that she had obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and her mascara wasn't as perfect anymore as it usually was.

He couldn't choke back a sudden feeling of worry that was coming over him. But he had no intention of showing it.

"I'm afraid I've no time for that… Two hookers are in my bedroom and I don't wanna let them wait." He wanted to close the door again but Cuddy prevented him from doing so by moving her left foot in between the door.

"I don't care." Cuddy slipped passed him into his apartment. She knew exactly that he was just kidding concerning the hookers and he knew that she knew it.

"Do you realize that it is already passed midnight? Shouldn't you already be asleep so you will be fit enough to boss people around at the hospital?"

She ignored his comment. Instead she said: "I had a date."

He couldn't deny that a feeling of jealousy was coming over him as soon as she said those four words. The thought of his woman dating another guy was awakening in him the urge vomit.

"Did you came here to ask me if you can do the deed with your boyfriend on my couch? I could understand it… You usually are kinda loud. You'd wake up Rachel if you guys do it at your house."

"You are such a jerk!"

"That's not actually news… That's why you left me." House closed the front door and made his way back to the couch.

"Can I talk now? Or do you have more such constructive comments?" Cuddy followed him into the living room.

"Talk… So we can get this over with." House said and poured himself some bourbon into a glass.

"I had a date…"

He cut her off. "You already said that."

She sighed and started once again: "I had a date… and I screwed it up."

"Did you come because you want my sympathy for it? Or did you come here to have sex because you are horny like hell and he didn't let you get some?"

"Shut the hell up, House!" Her voice was loud and angry. "He didn't dump me! If I had wanted we would be at his apartment right now screwing each other senseless."

He dropped down on the couch. "Then why the hell are you here?"

"Because I wanted you to know that you have ruined me! You have ruined me for every other man! … Rob is perfect! He is respectful and generous, he is funny and he wants a family but every time I'm with him I think about you! And I'm sick of it! I don't want to think about you all the time, I don't want to compare every other man to you. I can't stand it anymore!" Tears started forming in her eyes again.

House looked up at her. "Do you think I'm not fed up with it? Do you think that I like thinking about you every fucking second of the day? Do you think I like missing you? Do you really think that? Because I hate every second of my life since you are gone… It was your decision to go. You wanted to end our relationship. Now don't expect me to pity you."

"I know that, House…" Tears were now already falling down her cheeks. She turned around. She doesn't want him to see her cry. "I know that I was the one who ended it… It's just…" She broke off.

"It's just what?" House asked in a whisper. She winced when she felt his breath in her neck. She hadn't noticed so far that he had gotten up from the couch and that he was now standing behind her.

"I miss you… and Rachel misses you too." Cuddy's voice was almost inaudible.

His hand moved to her hip and started to caress her there. "You guys shouldn't."

"I know… But we do."

"I do too." He admitted.

She nodded and wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. "Rachel hated Rob… He couldn't even win her over with a box full of chocolate cookies."

House chuckled and Cuddy did as well.

"That's my girl." He then said which caused Cuddy's heart to skip a beat.

"She asks after you every day…"

"If you want I can pick her up from pre-school tomorrow. At least if my strict boss will give me the afternoon off." His other hand went to her hip as well.

"I guess your boss will be okay with that." She said and smiled before she leaned back, into him.

As soon as she came in contact with his chest a warm feeling went through her body.

God, she had missed him. How the hell was she able to survive that long without having him near her.

She shivered when she suddenly felt House lips on her neck. Her eyes immediately fell closed. "… House…"

"Yeah?" he said in between planting wet kisses on her neck.

"We should…stop." Cuddy said but made no move to actually stop him.

"Do you really think we can stop something that's unpreventable?" He whispered into her ear.

"It would be a lot easier if we could, for both of us." She turned around und looked into his wonderful eyes.

"It sure would be… But we would both never settle for anything that's easy." His hands cupped her cheeks. "We never did and we never will."

Cuddy smiled and then looped her arms around him. "… I know." Her right hand went into his black and grey hair and massaged his scalp.

"We are stuck with each other…" House's hand was soothingly drawing circles on her back. "… and the weirdest thing about this is that I'm not even freaked out about it."

She chuckled. Then she broke apart from him. Her facial expression got serious. "Promise me that we will try to make this work…"

House took her hand, looked into her eyes and calmly said: "I promise."

Cuddy smiled. She laid her hand on his cheek, slowly got up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. He immediately returned the kiss and pulled her nearer into him.

It was no passionate kiss… It was a tender, a gentle one.

It was a kiss that displayed their feelings.

A kiss filled with hope and love.

**-end-**

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><p><strong>So what do you guys think? Tell meeee! xD<strong>


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